Caroline’s Story

October 10, 2008

She’s leaving him again. It seemed so right this time, but she was let down… again. Green florescent lights the gray walls, gray like her heart. Every bit of color was washed away by the dirt and dirty water of years painfully remembered. Even though her limbs are moving, her love is dead.

“Where will you go?” I ask as she picks up her bag. “Anywhere. Anywhere away from this dismal dwelling. I need to breathe again.” I offer to help her, but am flatly refused. She’s an independent girl.

I met Caroline five years ago, at a family camp, where we read scripture and sang songs of praise. She’s not singing anymore. Caroline was your average teenage girl, who had your average heartbreaks and average recoveries from that pain. Eventually, the heartbreaks were too often and the recovery became harder and harder. The only place to turn for help was another lover destined for another broken heart.

I remember one time while we were walking down a suburban sidewalk, talking back and forth as a good friends do. We shared our dreams, Caroline and I. We were not lovers, but simply friends who cared for each other. She hoped for true love and had big dreams in store. I was in the midst of despising love and didn’t know what I wished to do with my life. She knew where she wanted to go.

Until the baby came. No one knows how such things happen. Perhaps it is a gradual decline, where even the best of persons can end up living in death. Maybe it’s happenstance that thrusts some people into a situation they would never enter, apart from that single instant. However it happens – it is irreversible. The tides of life push some to sunny shores, while it pulls others out into the swallowing waves of water.

The child impacted us all; her friends, her family, everyone who knew her. We prayed, we cried, and we tried praying some more. You can’t pray to change a deed already done, only to change the people involved, change them into better people. Give them peace and love – we pray.

As the memories of the events fly past my mind’s eye, I wonder if I could have done something different. What words should I have said, how could I have shown her love? Was there any hope for a different outcome, or was her life destined to progress like this? I suppose the only way to help her now is to love her.

I watch her slender form disappear past the flickering lights. As she walks down the hallway, I find peace. I know I will see her again, and while she is gone, I know she will be held in arms much stronger then my own. Caroline – you leave with my prayers for a better life this time. Godspeed.

(Caroline is not simply a girl of my dreams, nor of my nightmares. She is a fragile, broken person who makes her life in this world and whose memory lives on in my head.)

Advertisements

Fifth Gear Hill

July 19, 2008

Today I rode up a really long (semi-steep) hill on my bike. It was a crazy push, especially because I’m pretty out of shape. I did it in fifth gear. It’s one of the hardest things, physically, I’ve done for awhile, but it was also so rewarding.

I feel like my life is like that hill right now. I’m riding hard in fifth gear, trying to make it up and past the hard things and my troubles. It’s killing me inside right now, I want to give up and stop. But I know, at the top of that hill is a reward.

Here’s to the hard life.

Highway

May 23, 2007

One of my best friends, Jamin, recently announced that he will be moving down to South Carolina very soon. He is part of the amazing band Elyon’s Fire and his move will take him away from the band. At their last show they played a cover song — they were talking about it before the show and Jamin suggested “Life is a Highway” by Rascal Flatts. They did a great job covering it, but it was bittersweet.

Jamin will be moving down south, and the song encapsulated it so well.. I now won’t be able to hear the song without thinking about him.

Life changes. People take different walks of life. I can see through this, that things will not always be the same as they are now. But one thing never changes – God. Through all the ages, He remains the same. Amazing, eh?

Cars

April 5, 2007

A man once owned two cars which he absolutely loved. He had to go away for a few days, so he left his cars in charge of his sons. As it ended up, one son took good care of the car the father entrusted to him. The second son let the car get dirty, driving it through dirt and mud without cleaning it at all.

Your life is like those cars. If you waste your life, giving into all of cultures’ ways and leaving God, will He be proud? He will still love you, but if you accomplish nothing, you have nothing to look forward to in Heaven. But, if you take good care of your “car” and use it to carry out God’s purposes..you will have many treasures stored up in Heaven. And that’s worth more than any old car!

Take a Break

March 30, 2007

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my past year of semi-serious blogging, it’s that you can only keep something going for so long. After awhile your willpower gives out, you run out of time, you give up. For me it’s usually time.

I started posting here at VitaTips again around the beginning of March. I decided I really wanted to go at it, bring it back to life. I went pretty good, posting almost everyday — until the past week. Time needs to be spent on school and other work..it gets lost in the background.

Another one of my big problems is not seeing immediate results. I’m the kind of guy who, if I don’t see something happening right away, I lose interest. The problem is — you can’t do that. For example, with blogging you have to keep at it for awhile, build up a archive of good (good content-filled!) posts, and post regularly. (Regularly does not mean every day for every blog. Once or twice a week works for some.)

The main thing that makes a blog good is content. It makes a person want to read it, because it shows them something new, builds them up, teaches them skills.. it’s valuble. I guess the point I’m driving at is that blogging is a lot like life. You’ve got to keep pushing, even when it gets tough. Life isn’t going to be easy. Do something worthy of your time, don’t waste the chances you have. Get out and make a difference.

Trust

December 19, 2006

He read the written script again. Trust in the Lord with your entire life. But, it couldn’t mean everything!..could it? How could anyone think that he could give all the things he did over to one person. His money, food, relationships.. That just wasn’t possible.

Though..if he were to do it, perhaps it only meant one day a week he could have his stuff back? It was only fair that he should get to control his life one day out of seven, wasn’t it? Maybe if he dug a bit deeper into the text, there was a loophole, that stated he could control his life even a little bit every once and awhile..

But there were no such words. It was plainly written — Trust in the Lord with your entire life.

A Blessing?

December 17, 2006

He awoke. But the words still echoed inside his head. “You are a blessing..” Rubbing his head in wonder, he got out of bed. How could that be true? He was a horrible sinner how could he ever..no, he couldn’t. Looking at the clock he decided he had a few more minutes of rest.

Back in bed he began to ponder.. “Is it possible that I could even possibly, in the remotest sense, maybe..somehow be blessing to someone?” The question drove him mad as it stayed rooted in his cranium. His entire body would not let him sleep until he sorted out this troubling question. “You are a blessing…”