Lights and Sound

September 15, 2008

One part of me wants to give up on this foolish living. The other half of my brain fights for some future. Whenever I start thinking that I’m “something” I’m usually (immediately) humbled by some thought or stupid thing I do. I’m not that great.

At times I want to think I’d like to be famous. To be recognized and “adored.” Foolish, fool-hardy, fool’s talk. I really don’t want that. Frankly, I don’t think I’d make that good of a famous figure – I’m shy, find it hard to connect with people I don’t know, and I continually mess up. I’m not worth idolizing.. not that any of our idols are.

It seems with the more skill I discover and develop I am, again, torn in two directions. One part of me is happy to finally be doing something, it’s great! The other half still tears my self-esteem to the dirt, it says I shouldn’t be here. Why should I be so blessed? I know tons of people so much better than I.

But I digress. What is fame, but a mere image that people create of another person in their mind. Humans putting other humans on pedestals, even though we all end up on the same level after the sun is asleep. Fame is but a flame, flickering high and dying away with the wind.


Blank White

September 11, 2008

What is it like to be perfect? Every thought that passes your mind is pure and beautiful. You never hurt a person’s feelings. The words just flow from your mouth like the waters from the sea. People flock to your strong voice and amiable character. You never sin. Perfection. That must have been what it was for Jesus.
Did he ever get tired of doing everything right? If all he knew was good, then he would never think of doing wrong. But then, he knew all our pains and worldly afflictions. How does one bathe in mud and remain cleaner than newly fallen snow? Perhaps this is it – purely thought.Our souls are created pure, but misguided at times – it is the Spiritual side of us. Since our souls are lost, they mislead our bodies in word and deed. When we take on our human shell it covers our soul and partially guards it from the mud, as a raincoat keeps you from wetness. The human exterior is covered in sin, and seeps through our “coat” and taints our soul. When we are saved our soul is finally cleansed.  

Jesus’ soul was “found” from the beginning, so it never had the chance to drive him off-course. He began with a soul that knew the way – especially considering he was the way. Thus he was able to feel all things without worry of dirt. He knew what was right and did so. . .but I’m still confused myself.

This is my attempt to understand.


September 9, 2008

We’ve all been looking for something
we know it’s out there, waiting
we wander from day to day
looking, searching for something new
yet we still linger
we still wonder
is there more than this sunup, sundown 
and nothing in between?

I know you’ve been looking
I’m at your side, my eyes flickering
where is the fire we thought we had
was it only an ember
a meaningless moment
meant to die away with the others
are we ever to be fulfilled by anything?

I’ll tell you
it’s not in films
made of sounds and colors
it’s not in food
even the most elegant
it’s not in people
no matter their status quo
it’s not in late nights
it’s not in walks and oceans and skies
it’s not music or pictures

It’s everywhere
it’s waiting
for you

Realize true love, true life
it’s not where you’re living, 
how you’re living
it’s why you exist
it’s love

Dear Little Girl

September 6, 2008

Little girl, you’re loving wrong. Your love is meant to be directed in one direction, to one man alone. Save yourself for him. Think of the beauty of your friendship one day. Stop chasing the boys, get to know what a man is, search for the one. Don’t give your heart to any other.

I know it’s hard right now. You feel alone. You feel like no one loves you. But you are loved. Foremost, God loves you – no one can ever take that away. Your friends and family love you – even when it doesn’t seem like it and you don’t know it for sure. Your future husband loves you and yearns for the day you meet.

You are beautiful. Don’t listen to the voices. They tell you lies, they twist the truth. Beauty is more than what they say – they don’t want you to know that. When you know the truth, you will be free from their lies. Please, believe it, girl. You are beautiful.

Girl, you are more than a number. They put you in boxes, they label you along with others. You are a unique person, you are one among the many ones. You don’t need their brand names to belong. You belong, just by being here. 

I cry for you. I wish you could see the truth. Please, believe. Understand all the words I cannot say. I cannot pack my emotion into any list of nouns and adjectives. Know this..

You are loved.

Different Fields

September 3, 2008

I was reading today in my college class book, “Reel Spirituality” about how Catholics and Protestants differ. 

“…Catholic theologians and artists tend to emphasize the presence of God in the world, while the classic works of Protestant theologians tend to emphasize the absence of God from the world.”

This made me think, as I am a Protestant myself and it’s interesting to compare my views with others. The general thought is to stay away from worldly things or you will stray from God. While on the other hand, you could seek to find God in the worldly things.

This (and other compounding factors) brought me to this thought.

God is in all things. The problem is when you make all things God.

You can find threads of Christianity, God, and love in secular music, movies, and other entertainment. In fact, we need to keep that line of communication open between the church and the world. As Bishop T.D. Jakes said in an interview with Time magazine,

“[Cinema] can be [the next frontier of evangelism]. The gospel is not about standing and saying ‘Come to me.’ It’s about going where they are, and the world is at the theater.”

Fifth Gear Hill

July 19, 2008

Today I rode up a really long (semi-steep) hill on my bike. It was a crazy push, especially because I’m pretty out of shape. I did it in fifth gear. It’s one of the hardest things, physically, I’ve done for awhile, but it was also so rewarding.

I feel like my life is like that hill right now. I’m riding hard in fifth gear, trying to make it up and past the hard things and my troubles. It’s killing me inside right now, I want to give up and stop. But I know, at the top of that hill is a reward.

Here’s to the hard life.

Mac / Heaven

June 11, 2008

I just got a Macbook. It is amazing. Everything looks better, moves faster, is just so much sweeter. I was thinking this morning that Heaven will be like moving from an old Mac (or PC) to an brand new Mac. Before things weren’t as clear, it just moved so slow. Now one the new one, everything is so fresh and newer than before.

It makes me think of the verse that says “ we see dimly, as in a mirror, but then we shall see in full.” (paraphrased) Right now our life is like we’re living on an old clunker PC. Some things are sort of pixel-ly, the colors aren’t as bright, and it’s not as beautiful. Once we move to Heaven even the air itself will be scrumptious. Oh, to be finally home.